Why worry?

What do you do when you can’t find the right answers?  When you have no control over anything in your life?  Right now I feel as if I have no control over my future, my present, my emotions, but most importantly my heart.  I’ve been learning that anxiety can be the cause of so much harm, so much pain, and so much stress.  While we think worrying and stressing will help us figure out our problems in the future, all it does is create more.  I’ve been learning that when my emotions and my anxiety seem as unbearable as they do right now, all that is left to do is turn them over to God.  I’m learning that I have no control.  No right answer and no wrong answer, because they’re all God’s answers and he’s gifted us the beauty of not having to know our future or to know our outcomes in life.  Right now I’m at a time in my life where I’m frustrated, I’m frustrated with a lot and I find that I’m searching for answers and solutions that I can’t find.  See I’m searching for these things on my own, and in this, what’s lost will never be found.  In searching alone I create more harm than good. I’m my own worst enemy, the queen of my own self-sabotage. 

While it’s easier to tie myself up in anxious knots, it’s even harder to let it all go.  To hand everything, all the doubts, worries, insecurities, fears, all of it over to God right now seems impossible, but it also seems as if it is the only thing possible.  I’m tired.  I’m tired of worry, of doubts, of fears, of anxiety and I’m learning that God is the only restoration to my tiredness.  So I have to ask myself, why worry?  Instead I’m striving to live a life devoid of worry and anxiety but rather a life full of hope and trust in God, who is truly the only one who is big enough to handle my problems.  At times I forget that God has blessed us with a child-like innocence on how we can view the world, and tonight I was reminded that it is okay to see the world like that.  Sometimes the world is overbearing and dark and can tear us apart, but God is there to protect us and allow us to be put back together.  As I’m learning to allow God to put me back together in trusting him completely with my life, I’m reminded that growing up and big life decisions don’t have to be as scary when God is with you.  Tonight a friend spoke the words to me, you can grow old but you don’t have to grow up.  With God, we are his children, and while days pass and we get older, we don’t necessarily have to grow up.  We just need to trust in Him to help us grow, worry free.